


Hardeen will because Hardeen Can

by MissUfo



Series: If Hardeen Could, Hadeen would and Hardeen Definitley should [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Bane contemplates voluntary manslaughter, Crack Treated Seriously, Cringe, F/M, Female Obi-Wan Kenobi, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Multi, Obi-Wan is a mess, Other, This Is STUPID, alcoholic Obi-Wan Kenobi, dumped script, everyone's a mess in this, execssive flirting, fuck it, humilitation, rako hardeen arc, tonight Hardeen will play the role of the hollywood diva
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 10:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19104868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissUfo/pseuds/MissUfo
Summary: This is the mostly original and remastered (and more cringey as well) version of my other work "An Hour after Midnight".This version is watered down and less serious(but the other one's hard to take seriously as well if I'm honest)If you want to read some bad fanfiction with friends, look no further.





	Hardeen will because Hardeen Can

**Author's Note:**

> I will mention the Character Oh-Hundred, from the original work, will not make an appearance in this. An Hour After Midnight had to be rewritten mostly to accomodate him, so I opted to remove him completely out of this script to keep things on the humorous side.

Capturing Rako hardeen had been a success, unsurprisingly. It was way too easy to take care of a drunken bounty hunter, even easier to convince her to fall asleep with a bit of conviction from the force.

They took no time in exchanging her clothes with Obi-Wan’s. The skimpy thing, had her middle barely covered. She never, in her life, showed off this much skin in public. She pulled at her pants once more, grunting in discontent when it didn’t want to ride higher than her hips, showing off her underwear, like it did for the unconscious bounty hunter.

The little piece of yellow string, peeking out like it meant to laugh at her, were nothing like her Jedi undergarments. It showed everything off. Even when she had put her normal robes back on, she felt as naked as she was the day she was born.  
She turned back towards Windu, who was casually standing aside, looking at whatever little trinkets were posted on the bedstand near him, before turning to her.

Oh, now that was a look she never expected to receive, even less than from the grand Mace Windu. However, instead of being embarrassed, like any other human being would have been, it gave her a strange burst of confidence. She straightened up, showing off what was uncovered of her upper body, which was almost the entirety of it, considering how the fur jacket rode over her chest and nothing covered said chest but a plain dark brown bralette.

“How do I look?” She quipped, cocking her hip to the side. She decided, finally, that she really enjoyed her outfit.

"Like a criminal." Windu’s eyes snapped up to her face. He skimmed over the tattoo, resting on her forehead and passing over her eye, before looking at the part of her hair they’d shaved off.

The woman laughed at the man’s comment, finally looking at herself in the mirror hanging at the corner of a room.  
She played with what was left of her hair, dyed silver and fading to red on the ends to mimic the criminal she would impersonate.

She loved her copper hair, but she had to admit, having it dyed was quite the interesting experience.

Though she did have to change her hair, they almost did nothing to change her facial structure; she and Hardeen looked, surprisingly, alike from the pictures they got in the criminal database, and she was quite known to hate leaving her face visible while out and about.

“So, are you ready to get arrested, now?” Mase said behind her, putting a hand in his tunic and pulling out a small, sphere like object from it.

“I think I’m properly done up for it, now.” She replied, turning to face the Jedi master. He handed her the little device, which upon further inspection, had small legs sticking out of it. This was the voice changer, she assumed. “How does it work?”

“You swallow it.” Mace said, causally. “You better hurry up, your former padawan will not waste any time getting here.”

The woman sighed. “Quite.” She lifted the small device to her mouth, taking a deep breath before shoving it in her mouth and swallowing it.

She felt like she was choking, being force-fed, and suffocating at the same time. She clasped her hands to her neck, doubling over in discomfort as she felt the cursed machine move inside her throat, aligning correctly.  
She wouldn’t be complaining if it decided to do that faster! She coughed out, scared for a moment she’d spit out the device and have to start all over again, when suddenly, the device stilled.

She coughed her lungs out for a few more seconds, giving a shockingly good Grievous impression before straightening up, passing a hand over where she felt the device was positioned underneath her skin. Surprisingly, she couldn’t feel any sort of mound where the rest of her body assured her there should be one, still trembling in the aftershock of the experience of letting a large, alien object settling in her throat just moments ago.

"…This will need some getting- "she cleared her throat in shock of hearing a voice that wasn’t exactly her own come from her mouth. "Some time getting used to." She finished, putting a hand over her chest as she winced.

"Yes, time we do not have." Mace replied, hovering near her, but never touching. “I must go, your arrest party is probably on its way here.” He bowed slightly before walking over to the room’s windows, cracking one open. “Good luck, Hardeen.”

And with that, he slipped out the window and left.  
Hardeen waved off a mock salute in the open window’s direction, a smirk stretching her lips. She turned to the table at the center of the room, contemplating the half empty bottle sitting on it, before walking over and taking it in hand.

If she was going to play the baddie, might as well get in a reckless mood early.  
She took the cap off and, after half reaching for a glass, decided she didn’t need one since she was drinking alone, and put the large bottle to her lips.

The liquor tasted like motor oil and went down with a terrible, painful burn.  
She still drank it to the very bottom, and barely dropped the empty bottle on the ground.

Satisfaction swelled over her in the welcoming tingle of tipsiness taking over. She walked over to the door, finding it a lot less hard to walk in her new heeled boots than she anticipated.

Since the war started, she’d develop a bad habit of drinking. She never did it overly so, but she would always drink a full shot of brandy before heading out of her quarters. Being just slightly tipsy helped her do better at work, socializing, and everything else.

After Umbara, however, one shot wasn’t enough; She carried a flask on her, hidden in a pouch, so she could take another sip whenever the tipsiness started to fade into numbness. She did it for approximately a week before they got sent out and she’d forgotten it.

She’d gotten so numb and unfocused she stole one of the medic’s painkiller capsules and used that instead. She immediately regretted it, so she’d bought the poor medic some brand new equipment and supplies.

Because of this, General Kenobi promised herself to never drink again. It had been difficult, but she stayed an entire month sober, until…  
Untill Zygerria.  
That had happened just a week ago. She tried, really hard, to keep her drinking to a minimum, but the numbness the liquor gave her was too tempting not to cave in.  
Even if the tipsiness of alcohol had become necessary, Obi-Wan Kenobi still kept it to a strict minimum.

But Hardeen, oh sweet Hardeen, she wanted to drink until her liver shriveled up and died. So, she opened the door, and let the deafening sound of heavy synth music down the hall envelop her as she walked closer to into the main room of the cantina. She made a beeline for the bar, ordering a drink from the snake-like sentient manning it. She knocked back the drink and finished the entire thing in less than a minute, before demanding another one.

“You sure celebrate hard, Hardeen.” The sentient said after watching her knock back the glass and swallow down the burning liquid in two large gulps.

“No one celebrates harder than me, darling.” The woman leaned on the counter, raising her glass to the Anacondan, who just laughed at her quip. The liquor was starting to make the world fuzzy. She felt, sitting so distinguished at a bar, alike these dangerous maneater women in the holos, who could break anyone and anything sentient apart with a single look of their mean eyes.

Obi-Wan had always, discreetly, looked up to them, but never dared be anything close of the sort. The furthest the general ever came to it was flirting here and there, but that was it. The Jedi master still needed to be professional, after all.

Hardeen, however, she could go so further beyond; She could be those dangerous, flirtatious women herself.

The silver haired woman smiled down at her empty glass, smiling.  
If Hardeen could, then Hardeen would.  
She laid her chest down on the counter, placing the glass on the near her before being handed another one.

“From the man over there.” The bartender said, pointing to the corner of the room. A Kajain'sa'Nikto raised his cup to her, throwing her the Nikto equivalent of a smile.

She raised a hand to wave hello flirtingly, taking a sip of her drink. The world felt like it was slowly spinning on its axis.  
It should alarm her, but she just knew it wasn’t because she got drugged, so she could care less at this very moment. The male who paid for her drink had gotten up from his table and was making his way to her.  
The woman passed a hand through her long hair, making it pass over her shoulder to rest atop her chest.

“you dance?” The Nikto said as he approached, leaning on the bar next to her.

Hardeen, flirty, dangerous Hardeen, just replied with a sultry smile and handing over her hand, resting her face in the palm of her other.  
The male smiled again, taking her offered hand and leading her to the dancefloor.

Oh, she would enjoy this, she could already tell.


End file.
